DAUGHTERS OF NARCISSISTIC MOTHERS
Let's Talk About Her
Characteristics of
Narcissistic Mothers
I've never thought of my mother as narcissistic, just histrionic with a wicked sense of entitlement. I even asked her where this sense of entitlement came from after I read an old article in Allure magazine which I ripped out and kept. It said that these entitled people felt they had to take things because that was the only way they ever got anything.
Regardless of the dynamics of their personality disorder, let us stop finally making it all about them but you for a change and try to understand how being in the clutches of a narcissistic mother is sabotaging you TODAY.
Here is a website to get you started: Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
At the end they try to sell you a therapy. Don't bother. Just move on to links from this
Google Search
Then mosey on over to this author's website Will I Ever Be Good Enough?
DAUGHTERS OF NARCISSISTIC MOTHERS OUT THERE?
There are some refreshing comments on Oprah's Boards [Hmmm-mmm]
It isn't you (the Golden Child vs. The Black Sheep Scapegoat) and now it is time to get that affirmation, feel the anger and then get on with the HEALING.
Maggie the narcissist
I warn you, if you've experienced this, it is gonna bring up a lot of hurt and bad memories but by seeing that you are not alone and seeing your own mother's issues, you'll be able to make changes for the better just by knowing and recognizing the old tapes playing. You won't even need therapy, just reading about it will suffice.
Enough about her, let's talk about YOU
p.s. Special thanks to anonymous guest from FFF
Posted by sickitten at Thursday, July 01. 2010 
Categories: Tips
Tags: Black Sheep Syndrome Toxic Mothers Narcissistic Mothers Breaking Free From Mom
Categories: Tips
Tags: Black Sheep Syndrome Toxic Mothers Narcissistic Mothers Breaking Free From Mom
I read your comments on this issue "over there" and I thought, for once, it was an interesting thread. I learned something new about you and I can see where your strong opinions/personality must come from. I applaude your spirit, it could have been easy to feel like a victim and you clearly did not choose that road.
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Thanks. I'm in a flippin' rage right now as I tell the stories to the BF who has been home not even an hour. Let me go through this to get a handle on my healing. Thank God she is gone b/c I would f'ing strangle her right now. This will pass...
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Yes, it will. You're lucky to have a BF who allows you to vent your feelings. Don't forget to tell him you appreciate that.
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I appreciate that you bother to care, just so you know. He's got his own mother issues. Hmmm-mmm (Oprah).
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Well, years ago I spent some time dealing with "issues", some were of my own making, but the point is...I realized that my Mother learned to be a Mother from her Mother and the world and society was very different back then. How parents and children related to each other was so different, so my Mother was the way she was because times were very different. I started to understand her a little better and in turn I started to understand myself a little better. I began to like that I wasn't raised to be a sissy. Then there were the years I spent as a recovering catholic......but that's another story.
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Why are you torturing yourself "over there"? And I mean that seriously. It was very hard to "watch". You don't have to prove yourself to anyone. I hope you take this in the way it is intended, because I am being sincere.
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b/c it is about calling out phonies. Like a sport. I'm not the one tortured. If I was, I wouldn't keep it up, now would I?
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Well, okay then. Nuff said.
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Call it narcissism, maybe, but my mom was a cross between Hilary Clinton and Sylvia Plath (do-gooder, excelled in academics, #1) AND #1 regional tennis player. Her narcissism was, to me, constructive with more accomplishments...growing up, s**t how did you top that...on par academically, but I liked lots of fluff, nonsense, and stupidity........phew, breath & bs this.......................
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Well, I envy you. So much better than having a N mom who only spends time shopping and redecorating houses who treats everyone as her servants. Ugh! I'm still working through crap. Had a flashback on Sunday about how she thought she was gonna go on vacation w/me & I left alone & only let her know an hour b/I departed. She would have made it all about herself. She even feigned sickness in that hour & I called her out on it. My dad was the one who was academic and had hobbies & interest. So thank God I had him. She even resented all of the time we spent together b/c then she couldn't use me to do for her. I'll work through this and come out better for it. Finally leaving it all behind & seeing how it affects me today and make changes. Gotta go through some pain to get to the gain.
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Hi
I came over from FF. I posted the link on FF about Daughters of Narcissists. I am glad it is helping. I myself have a Narcissistic father and a very cold mother.I have many ex friends who are narcissists and unfortunately for my son his father is one. I am a very typical echo.Just wanted to say hi, What a crazy place FF is today.
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Thank you for that gift, Dara. The gift has reached thousands as the entry on Narcissistic Mothers gets about 400 hits p/day. In the top 5. Kisses to you. You really have no idea what your post has created. You know, click the PPHbb whatever at the bottom of FF and you can start your own forum for free or just start a blogger or wordpress blog for free. I'd promote it here & be a regular on your site. Please do it..
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First, congrats to you for facing the horrors of your upbringing. Second, I think having a NM is one of THE least acknowledged forms of parental abuse covered by the media because America holds 'mother' role as near-angelic. 'god, mom, apple pie' - the holy trinity of our society. So, either we crucify or glorify 'mother', but anything morecomplex than that is just not done.
The problem for children of NM's, is that our story is VERYcomplex. It's very nuances as the NM is a master manipulator and can be off the radar in subtle abuse and all over it with overt. Every shade and degree is known by her and a tool to use. For these mothers, children are props in HER play and the play is, and ONLY is, ABOUT HER. Deft manipulation practices amongst all the children, sowing dischord and unity as she needs to, guilt upon guilt over decades, accusations, innuendoes, whippings ( both verbal and physical ), and all while appearing the model of 'normalacy' and good taste. The camoflauge of a superficial sanity and social grace on her part renders any claims by her children to being abused as totally unfathomable and unbelievable. Yes, Narcissistic mothers are THAT good, are that clever, and are that dangerous to the health and welfare of their children. The child are almost doomed to fulfill the roles they were appointed as toddlers: scapegoats or golden child. Whatever suits her, is what you'll be. You'll either underachieve or over-achieve generally. There's no such thing allowed in her world, or yours, as 'good enough' or 'bad enough'. All must be an extreme. All must feed her needs.
Light contact or no contact. Then, reclaim your life, without guilt, and move on to real, stable happiness. Stop paying the price of feeding her sickness. Let her go. Trust me, she'll find others...she'll find others...
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Thank you for covering this. I really relate to you.
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Caregiver Stress from Elderly Mother
I am 53 - still a very pretty, active female - who moved in with mother (I think I might have made a big mistake!) in 2004 after my wonderful daddy passed away. Mom is very hard to get along with - narcissists want to be in control and use their manipulative attitude to get what they want. I am getting a little tired of her moods. Or maybe she is getting dementia? Whatever it is, I just don't know if I can handle it much longer. Mom threatened if I moved out to never contact her again. Frankly it would not matter to me. Is anyone else dealing with this same situation? Of the 3 siblings, mom changed her will to leave the house to me. I am in the middle of making home renovations and need to decide to stick it out, suck it up or get the heck out. Thank you, Sandra from Delaware.
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Sandra,
You have been hoodwinked, bamboozled! Your mother's changing of the will is another control tactic! I'm sure you are being tormented with the guilt of even having the thought of leaving her especially since she's changed the will. Trust me... that was the Plan. You are still being controlled! Pray hard my sister, Pray hard! I'm 53 and JUST realizing that my mom is an N. Everything that I have read on these sites is 100% what I've experienced. It weird but it is freeing as the articles answered my lifelong questions of what is wrong with me? why do men treat me like dirt? why did my mother do x,y or z? It is so freeing to be able to put a name to a dysfunctional experience! And I am freeing myself from the feeling of indebtedness to my mother. I have 5 other siblings who were golden or scapegoats depending on the level of control she had on them. I was the scapegoat child but I am not the most 'successful' but I realized I spent my entire life trying to be good enough for her. I don't care anymore. My concern is for my young adult children now... and how much of this dysfunction did I pass down. THAT is MY FOCUS... N Mothers ALWAYS FIND SOMEONE ELSE. PRAY SANDRA, PRAY.
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